The BESTEST & HORRIBLEST SONGS FOR CHILDREN

by Fatcat & Fishface

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about

FATCAT & FISHFACE are the award-winning outlaws of New Zealand children’s music. Their cheeky style and offbeat humour have been compared to Spike Milligan, Roald Dahl and Maurice Sendak.

THE BESTEST & HORRIBLEST SONGS FOR CHILDREN is a compilation of the most popular songs from their first five albums.

"Funny, friendly, crazy songs for kids in need of an injection of intelligent entertainment"

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released November 1, 2008

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about

Fatcat & Fishface New Zealand

FATCAT & FISHFACE are the award-winning outlaws of New Zealand children’s music. Their cheeky style and offbeat humour have been compared to Spike Milligan, Roald Dahl and Maurice Sendak.

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Track Name: Flyby
Intro: Flying high above the city
She was on a mission to spy, to seek, to land.
Under cover of darkness she buzzed Ground Control
And beginning her descent, she dived…

Chorus: Looking for a place to lay her maggots
Yes she was looking for a place to lay her maggots

Fly in the kitchen, by the rubbish bin
Buzzing around Buzzing around
Fridge door is open, won’t you step right in
Buzzing around Buzzing around

Chorus:

Settle on a sandwich, bomb the biscuit tin
Buzzing around Buzzing around
Do the mashed potato on a sausage skin
Buzzing around Buzzing around

Chorus:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a marvel of nature is at work in your very home. Be astounded as two wings whip the air at a frenzied speed of 200 beats per second. Gaze in astonishment as two compound eyes collate visual information into four thousand tiny television screens.But there’s more…Not one, not two, but six, yes six sexy segmented legs.Send no money, that’s right, send no money. This wonderful once in a lifetime show is now appearing in a kitchen near you!

Chorus:

Set her sights, the fly alights on a fish’s fin
Buzzing around Buzzing around
Honey, jam, leftover ham, toast sliced thick or thin
Buzzing around Buzzing around
Track Name: You Are What You Eat
Chorus: You are what you eat
It’s what you eat you are
You are what you eat you are
What you eat you are
Is what you eat

Woke up face down on a plate
Plate needs food
I can’t wait
What’s for breakfast baconhead?
Porridge spoon
Boiled egg

Chorus:

Fell asleep in my lunchbox
Vegemite
Or might not
Frankenfurter, fish ‘n’chips
Salty dog
Lick my lips

Chorus:

Split the kumara, Greedy Guts
Leave the apple core
Chicken pie must say goodbye
Not mushroom no more
Track Name: Pick Me
The smallest thing
Is bigger than me
But I still grow on the human bean tree

They never pick me
They never pick me
The ones who do the picking never see who I be
They never pick me
Track Name: Favourite Undies
When you’ve got your favourite undies on
The world’s a brighter place
Track Name: Selfish Shellfish
Three little pipi in our pipi shells
Sunshine
Seaweed
Lying in the shallows as we filter feed
Tide’s in
Tide’s out
Hanging out together singing
We live next to…

Two tuatua in our tua shells
Sunshine
Seaweed
Lying in the shallows as we filter feed
Tide’s in
Tide’s out
Hanging out together singing
We live next to…

One prickly kina in my kina shell
Just me
Myself
One selfish shellfish on a rocky shelf
Leave me
Alone
Don’t want any company
But I live next to…
Track Name: My Mother's Locked Out Of The House
My mother’s locked out of the house
I have locked her outside
She’s yelling and screaming
And stamping her feet
With a murderous look in her eye

My mother’s locked out of the house
I won’t let her back in
She’s causing a riot
Until she is quiet
My mother’s locked out of the house

My mother’s locked out of the house
I have told her before
She’s raising her voice
So she’s left me no choice
She can bang all she likes on the door

My mother’s locked out of the house
I have put my foot down
She’s got to remember
To cool her hot temper
My mother’s locked out of the house

Let me in
Let me in
Or I’ll make such a fuss
From the Bluff to Levin
(Levin Levin lovely Levin)

My mother’s locked out of the house
I have got the spare key
Her awful behaviour
Has upset the neighbours
She doesn’t look sorry to me

My mother’s locked out of the house
I am counting to three
She hasn’t stopped shouting
So she’s still time outing
My mother’s locked out of the house
Track Name: Tip Of My Tongue
Are you able to play tennis on a turning tennis table?
Will your mother mollycoddle Mrs Morse’s daughter Mabel?
Can you lick a lolly scramble like a lizard at a lake?
Can you carry half a carton full of crunchy carrot cake?

Did your sister get a blister from assisting Mr Morse?
Or was it helping Harry hit a home run? Yes of course
Can you stick a naked bunny in a cranny or a nook?
Can you bring a bacon buttie and a bottle and a book?

Chorus: It’s on the tip of my tongue

How do horses hear a hoodlum when they’re hurtling hell for
leather?
Why do weasels whistle wetly in the wild and windy weather?
Did your father find a feather for the funky fashion show?
Or did he force young Norman Morse to tell him where to go?

Can you count the clucking chickens as they cackle in the
clover
After Mrs Morse’s Morris Minor nearly ran them over?
Did you drink a drip of danger juice and drain the bottom drop?
Can you eat the ears of elephants and never want to stop?


Chorus: It’s on the tip of my tongue

Can someone tell the Morses that their dog is here for dinner
That their cat has lost its confidence, their guinea pig is
thinner?
The Morses are our neighbours Mr, Mrs, Norman, Mabel
And all of them play tennis on a turning tennis table


Chorus: It’s on the tip of my tongue
Track Name: Dinghy
Not a breath of wind
Not a cloud in the sky
Not a thing to think
Not a passerby

Chorus: I’m in my dinghy … afloat
I’m in my dinghy … a boat

On a bluesome day
On a lingering sigh
On a seamless sea
Rubber lullaby

Chorus:

Calm blue ocean
Deep blue sea
There is nowhere I would rather be

Let me drift away
Let me swim on the tide
Let me laze alone
On the ocean wide

Chorus:
Track Name: Noodle
I’m in the nude
I’m in the nude
I’m in the nickey nude

I’m completely naked
(She’s completely naked)
Naked as the day that I was born
Completely
Track Name: Bat Fly
I like eating guano
From a short tailed bat
So what if I like guano
I like it for a snack
There’s nothing like guano
From a bat, a short tailed little bat

Chorus: What about the bat fly?
B B B B Bat fly
Who will save the bat Fly?
Me

I’m a wingless bat fly
Fly without a wing
So what if I am wingless
I live upon a bat
Deep inside the black fur
Of a bat, a short tailed little bat

Chorus:

I won’t see you later
Because I am blind
So what if I have no eyes
And everything is black
I love too zing a bat fly song
On the back of a short tailed little bat

And I
I cannot see
I cannot fly
Yet I
I will travel throught the sky
On the back, on the back
Of a short tailed bat

Chorus:
Track Name: The Wreck of the Diddley
Was a bright summer’s day back in 1859
No it wasn’t, it was 1863
And we sailed on the good ship ‘My Darling Clementine’
No we didn’t, it was ‘Mary Jane Marie’

Then came a storm, a typhoon I recall
And the waves they crashed all around
They were 20 foot high and they looked us in the eye
And we thought to a man we would drown

Chorus: We thought we’d die diddley die
Diddley diddley diddley die
We thought we’d die diddley die
Diddley die

It was young Nick Magoo who saw the rocks ahead
No it wasn’t, it was old man John McGee
And the captain steered to port and we headed into land
No he didn’t, it was starboard out to sea

Then was a mighty crack, a terrible sickening sound
And the brave mast came a-tumbling down
The salt it stung our eyes, ”Abandon ship”, we cried
And we thought to a man we would drown

Chorus:

The water was a-boil with a dozen drowning men
No it wasn’t cos I counted 43
And we clung to bits of wood and anything we could
No we didn’t, we were sinking helplessly

We shouted to the skies and we said our last goodbyes
As the darkness gathered all around
We were frozen to the core and we couldn’t swim no more
And so to a man we did drown

Chorus:

And sometimes late at night on the shores of Island Bay
If you listen you will hear a ghostly sound
And some do say it’s wind and some do say you may
Hear the singing of the sailor men who drowned

Chorus:
Track Name: Emily Says
My friend Emily says
That her cousin is a princess
In a palace of gold all her own
At breakfast time
A silver spoon
Diamonds rubies and pearls light up her room

My friend Emily says
That her brother has a spaceship
And he flies to the moon every night
He travels at
The speed of light
Counting down to blast off out of sight

My friend Emily says
That her grandma’s in the circus
And she’s covered in hair everywhere
Her beard is long
Down to her knees
She plaits it tidily when she flies the trapeze

My friend Emily says that her mother is a mermaid
With a beautiful tail navy blue
She scares the sharks
Back out to sea
She taught an octopus how to water-ski

My friend Emily says
My friend Emily says
Track Name: Happity
Happity skipped and Happity hopped
But Happity couldn’t get over it all
He pricked up his ears
He picked up his feet
But tripped on his tail and everyone saw
The fumbliest stumbliest bunny of all
His feet are too big
And his teeth are too small

Chorus: Happity Happity Happity Happity
Lives in a burrow in Palmerston North

Happity wished and Happity hoped
That some little bunny would give him a call
Cos all of the rabbits of Manawatu
Were going to go to the Rabbity Ball
His brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts
Were learning the steps to the rabbity dance

Chorus:

Happity drooped and Happity sighed
A rabbity tear fell onto his paw
The onliest loneliest rabbit, he thought
Cos no-one would ask him to go to the ball
He looked out the window and what did he saw
Miss Hippity Hop from the burrow next door

Chorus:

Miss Hippity Hop looked sadder than sad
Her teeth were too big and her feet were too small
She wanted to go but no-one would ask
Miss Hippity Hop to the Rabbity Ball
Then Happity saw that he might have a chance
“Miss Hippity Hop do you know how to dance?”

Chorus:
Miss Hippity Hop said “Why yes I do”
And bunnily showed him a dance step or two
And Happity’s heart went skippity beat
Cos she didn’t notice his very large feet
They danced in the moonlight and everyone saw
Hip Hop and Happity having a ball

Chorus:
Track Name: Una Momento
I was running and dropping
My things on the ground
I was tripping upstairs
With my hair falling down
I was fumbling and stumbling
And out of my head
I was all hot and bothered
Till somebody said

Chorus: Una Momento

I was running to ballet
And racing to gym
I was screaming ‘cross town
To be taught how to swim
Between step-parent B
And step-parent A
I was pushed I was pulled
Please somebody say

Chorus:

Wait just a minute
Hang on a sec
No need to hurry
Slow down
We’ll get there yet

Chorus:

I was huffing and puffing
And losing my breath
I was pushed to the brink
I was close to the edge
I was tied up in knots
I was hung by a thread
I was totally crazy
Till somebody said

Chorus:
Track Name: Holiday
On a holiday in Polynesia
Sitting underneath the coconut trees
Sun is shining on the pretty blue sea
When a big fat coconut fell on me

On a holiday in Australia
Kangarooses on the hop all daylia
Sitting underneath the old gum tree
When a blue-tongued lizard took a piece of me

On a holiday in the Antarctic
Took my snowshoes and my sharpest ice pick
Played with penguins in the freezing sea
When a hump backed whale got a crush on me

On a holiday in old New Zealand
Grass is greener and the sheep are clean and
Birds are singing in the totara tree
When an earthquake shook itself all over me