The BESTEST & HORRIBLEST SONGS FOR CHILDREN

by Fatcat & Fishface

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1.
03:46
Intro: Flying high above the city She was on a mission to spy, to seek, to land. Under cover of darkness she buzzed Ground Control And beginning her descent, she dived… Chorus: Looking for a place to lay her maggots Yes she was looking for a place to lay her maggots Fly in the kitchen, by the rubbish bin Buzzing around Buzzing around Fridge door is open, won’t you step right in Buzzing around Buzzing around Chorus: Settle on a sandwich, bomb the biscuit tin Buzzing around Buzzing around Do the mashed potato on a sausage skin Buzzing around Buzzing around Chorus: Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a marvel of nature is at work in your very home. Be astounded as two wings whip the air at a frenzied speed of 200 beats per second. Gaze in astonishment as two compound eyes collate visual information into four thousand tiny television screens.But there’s more…Not one, not two, but six, yes six sexy segmented legs.Send no money, that’s right, send no money. This wonderful once in a lifetime show is now appearing in a kitchen near you! Chorus: Set her sights, the fly alights on a fish’s fin Buzzing around Buzzing around Honey, jam, leftover ham, toast sliced thick or thin Buzzing around Buzzing around
2.
Chorus: You are what you eat It’s what you eat you are You are what you eat you are What you eat you are Is what you eat Woke up face down on a plate Plate needs food I can’t wait What’s for breakfast baconhead? Porridge spoon Boiled egg Chorus: Fell asleep in my lunchbox Vegemite Or might not Frankenfurter, fish ‘n’chips Salty dog Lick my lips Chorus: Split the kumara, Greedy Guts Leave the apple core Chicken pie must say goodbye Not mushroom no more
3.
01:58
The smallest thing Is bigger than me But I still grow on the human bean tree They never pick me They never pick me The ones who do the picking never see who I be They never pick me
4.
When you’ve got your favourite undies on The world’s a brighter place
5.
Three little pipi in our pipi shells Sunshine Seaweed Lying in the shallows as we filter feed Tide’s in Tide’s out Hanging out together singing We live next to… Two tuatua in our tua shells Sunshine Seaweed Lying in the shallows as we filter feed Tide’s in Tide’s out Hanging out together singing We live next to… One prickly kina in my kina shell Just me Myself One selfish shellfish on a rocky shelf Leave me Alone Don’t want any company But I live next to…
6.
My mother’s locked out of the house I have locked her outside She’s yelling and screaming And stamping her feet With a murderous look in her eye My mother’s locked out of the house I won’t let her back in She’s causing a riot Until she is quiet My mother’s locked out of the house My mother’s locked out of the house I have told her before She’s raising her voice So she’s left me no choice She can bang all she likes on the door My mother’s locked out of the house I have put my foot down She’s got to remember To cool her hot temper My mother’s locked out of the house Let me in Let me in Or I’ll make such a fuss From the Bluff to Levin (Levin Levin lovely Levin) My mother’s locked out of the house I have got the spare key Her awful behaviour Has upset the neighbours She doesn’t look sorry to me My mother’s locked out of the house I am counting to three She hasn’t stopped shouting So she’s still time outing My mother’s locked out of the house
7.
Are you able to play tennis on a turning tennis table? Will your mother mollycoddle Mrs Morse’s daughter Mabel? Can you lick a lolly scramble like a lizard at a lake? Can you carry half a carton full of crunchy carrot cake? Did your sister get a blister from assisting Mr Morse? Or was it helping Harry hit a home run? Yes of course Can you stick a naked bunny in a cranny or a nook? Can you bring a bacon buttie and a bottle and a book? Chorus: It’s on the tip of my tongue How do horses hear a hoodlum when they’re hurtling hell for leather? Why do weasels whistle wetly in the wild and windy weather? Did your father find a feather for the funky fashion show? Or did he force young Norman Morse to tell him where to go? Can you count the clucking chickens as they cackle in the clover After Mrs Morse’s Morris Minor nearly ran them over? Did you drink a drip of danger juice and drain the bottom drop? Can you eat the ears of elephants and never want to stop? Chorus: It’s on the tip of my tongue Can someone tell the Morses that their dog is here for dinner That their cat has lost its confidence, their guinea pig is thinner? The Morses are our neighbours Mr, Mrs, Norman, Mabel And all of them play tennis on a turning tennis table Chorus: It’s on the tip of my tongue
8.
02:55
Not a breath of wind Not a cloud in the sky Not a thing to think Not a passerby Chorus: I’m in my dinghy … afloat I’m in my dinghy … a boat On a bluesome day On a lingering sigh On a seamless sea Rubber lullaby Chorus: Calm blue ocean Deep blue sea There is nowhere I would rather be Let me drift away Let me swim on the tide Let me laze alone On the ocean wide Chorus:
9.
01:27
I’m in the nude I’m in the nude I’m in the nickey nude I’m completely naked (She’s completely naked) Naked as the day that I was born Completely
10.
03:21
I like eating guano From a short tailed bat So what if I like guano I like it for a snack There’s nothing like guano From a bat, a short tailed little bat Chorus: What about the bat fly? B B B B Bat fly Who will save the bat Fly? Me I’m a wingless bat fly Fly without a wing So what if I am wingless I live upon a bat Deep inside the black fur Of a bat, a short tailed little bat Chorus: I won’t see you later Because I am blind So what if I have no eyes And everything is black I love too zing a bat fly song On the back of a short tailed little bat And I I cannot see I cannot fly Yet I I will travel throught the sky On the back, on the back Of a short tailed bat Chorus:
11.
Was a bright summer’s day back in 1859 No it wasn’t, it was 1863 And we sailed on the good ship ‘My Darling Clementine’ No we didn’t, it was ‘Mary Jane Marie’ Then came a storm, a typhoon I recall And the waves they crashed all around They were 20 foot high and they looked us in the eye And we thought to a man we would drown Chorus: We thought we’d die diddley die Diddley diddley diddley die We thought we’d die diddley die Diddley die It was young Nick Magoo who saw the rocks ahead No it wasn’t, it was old man John McGee And the captain steered to port and we headed into land No he didn’t, it was starboard out to sea Then was a mighty crack, a terrible sickening sound And the brave mast came a-tumbling down The salt it stung our eyes, ”Abandon ship”, we cried And we thought to a man we would drown Chorus: The water was a-boil with a dozen drowning men No it wasn’t cos I counted 43 And we clung to bits of wood and anything we could No we didn’t, we were sinking helplessly We shouted to the skies and we said our last goodbyes As the darkness gathered all around We were frozen to the core and we couldn’t swim no more And so to a man we did drown Chorus: And sometimes late at night on the shores of Island Bay If you listen you will hear a ghostly sound And some do say it’s wind and some do say you may Hear the singing of the sailor men who drowned Chorus:
12.
03:08
My friend Emily says That her cousin is a princess In a palace of gold all her own At breakfast time A silver spoon Diamonds rubies and pearls light up her room My friend Emily says That her brother has a spaceship And he flies to the moon every night He travels at The speed of light Counting down to blast off out of sight My friend Emily says That her grandma’s in the circus And she’s covered in hair everywhere Her beard is long Down to her knees She plaits it tidily when she flies the trapeze My friend Emily says that her mother is a mermaid With a beautiful tail navy blue She scares the sharks Back out to sea She taught an octopus how to water-ski My friend Emily says My friend Emily says
13.
02:57
Happity skipped and Happity hopped But Happity couldn’t get over it all He pricked up his ears He picked up his feet But tripped on his tail and everyone saw The fumbliest stumbliest bunny of all His feet are too big And his teeth are too small Chorus: Happity Happity Happity Happity Lives in a burrow in Palmerston North Happity wished and Happity hoped That some little bunny would give him a call Cos all of the rabbits of Manawatu Were going to go to the Rabbity Ball His brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts Were learning the steps to the rabbity dance Chorus: Happity drooped and Happity sighed A rabbity tear fell onto his paw The onliest loneliest rabbit, he thought Cos no-one would ask him to go to the ball He looked out the window and what did he saw Miss Hippity Hop from the burrow next door Chorus: Miss Hippity Hop looked sadder than sad Her teeth were too big and her feet were too small She wanted to go but no-one would ask Miss Hippity Hop to the Rabbity Ball Then Happity saw that he might have a chance “Miss Hippity Hop do you know how to dance?” Chorus: Miss Hippity Hop said “Why yes I do” And bunnily showed him a dance step or two And Happity’s heart went skippity beat Cos she didn’t notice his very large feet They danced in the moonlight and everyone saw Hip Hop and Happity having a ball Chorus:
14.
04:04
I was running and dropping My things on the ground I was tripping upstairs With my hair falling down I was fumbling and stumbling And out of my head I was all hot and bothered Till somebody said Chorus: Una Momento I was running to ballet And racing to gym I was screaming ‘cross town To be taught how to swim Between step-parent B And step-parent A I was pushed I was pulled Please somebody say Chorus: Wait just a minute Hang on a sec No need to hurry Slow down We’ll get there yet Chorus: I was huffing and puffing And losing my breath I was pushed to the brink I was close to the edge I was tied up in knots I was hung by a thread I was totally crazy Till somebody said Chorus:
15.
02:44
On a holiday in Polynesia Sitting underneath the coconut trees Sun is shining on the pretty blue sea When a big fat coconut fell on me On a holiday in Australia Kangarooses on the hop all daylia Sitting underneath the old gum tree When a blue-tongued lizard took a piece of me On a holiday in the Antarctic Took my snowshoes and my sharpest ice pick Played with penguins in the freezing sea When a hump backed whale got a crush on me On a holiday in old New Zealand Grass is greener and the sheep are clean and Birds are singing in the totara tree When an earthquake shook itself all over me
16.

about

FATCAT & FISHFACE are the award-winning outlaws of New Zealand children’s music. Their cheeky style and offbeat humour have been compared to Spike Milligan, Roald Dahl and Maurice Sendak.

THE BESTEST & HORRIBLEST SONGS FOR CHILDREN is a compilation of the most popular songs from their first five albums.

"Funny, friendly, crazy songs for kids in need of an injection of intelligent entertainment"

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released November 1, 2008

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Fatcat & Fishface New Zealand

FATCAT & FISHFACE are the award-winning outlaws of New Zealand children’s music. Their cheeky style and offbeat humour have been compared to Spike Milligan, Roald Dahl and Maurice Sendak.

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